Mixtape: a walk through my love life

I never knew there were such great movies
On TV at 3 a.m.
I'd never guessed at a midnight Tuesday
I could have pizza ordered in
I've never been a real night-owl
But these days I'm all turned 'round
There's only one thing I'm sure of right now

I should be sleeping,'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
An even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of dreamin' about you

I never knew I was funny
'Til I went and made you laugh
I never liked a girl that called me: "Honey"
But you did,I like that
I keep thinking about your smile
Tryin' to read between the lines
Looks like I'll be here for a while

I should be sleeping,'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
An even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of dreamin' about you

After just three days (just three days)
One great kiss (One great kiss)
It's way too soon
To be obsessin'like this

I should be sleeping,'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
An even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of dreamin' about you

Dreamin' about you
I should be sleeping,dreamin' about you
I'm dreamin' about you, yeah


This one is called "I should be sleeping" (duh) by Emerson Drive.
It was the song I played over and over The first night I talked to Matt on the phone. We talked till 2 am on a school night (as a Freshman that was late!)
The song just seemed so fitting and I also really liked it at the time. I met Matt at his church in November 2005. He found me on myspace and we started to instant messaging. I left my number on my "away message" and hoped he would call. He didn't. He did, however, leave his number on his away message. I grew a pair and called him. I never call guys first! This time I did; I'm not sure why but I am glad I did!




"Little moments" by Brad Paisley
Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can't even remember now what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red
And she just looked so darn cute
That I couldn't even act like I was mad
Yeah I live for little moments like that

Well that's just like last year on my birthday
She lost all track of time and burnt the cake
And every smoke detector in the house was goin' off
And she was just about to cry until I took her in my arms
And I tried not to let her see me laugh
Yeah I live for little moments like that

I know she's not perfect but she tries so hard for me
And I thank god that she isn't 'cause how boring would that be
It's the little imperfections it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions and we're lost but holdin' hands
Yeah I live for little moments like that

When she's layin' on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark
And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm
And I want so bad to move it 'cause it's tinglin' and it's numb
But she looks so much like and angel that I don't wanna wake her up
Yeah I live for little moments
When she steals my heart again and doesn't even know it
Yeah I live for little moments like that


This was the first song Matt "played" for me. He said it reminded him of me. We still have "little moments" I think he was trying to say I can be stupid sometimes. Oh well! It's cute anway! Anytime we talk about "our songs" he always mentions this one.




"The Way You Look Tonight" by Tony Bennet
Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night

I love having memories that are just a still picture in my head. I went to the beach with Matt's family summer 06 and summer 07. We went for a walk on the beach the first night we got there and I'll never forget looking up at Matt (He's 6'3" and I'm 5'2") and knowing that I would never forget the way he looked at that moment. I would also never forget the way he looked at me. He still gives me those looks at it still stops my heart when I see them.



"Barefoot and Crazy" by Jack Ingram

The clouds are partin
The summer suns startin to burn down on that river
My babys waitin
I got the chevy shaking
Im blazing a trail to get her
There she is
Shes got her shades on
& man shes lookin strong
Mine all mine for the weekend
The coolers loaded down
We’re headed outta town
Jumpin off the deep end
Goin barefoot and crazy
Me and my baby
Backflip off the flipright bridge
Double dog dare me and I will
Meet me at the bottom with a cool wet kiss
Shes rockin that bikini top
My hearts skippin like a rock across that water
Don’t ever wanna stop
Goin barefoot and crazy
The sun is droppin
We got the fire poppin &
Its lightin up her blue eyes
With a little bit of luck
It’ll heat things up &
We’ll be lovin in the moonlight
Break out my old guitar
Sing fishin in the dark
Baby get ready
We’ll take a little sip
We’ll take a little dip &
Sleep in the bed of my Chevy
Goin barefoot and crazy
Me and my baby
Just me & her & the man in the moon
Drinkin on a cold bud brew
Mornins gonna come way too soon
We’ll wake up &
Do it all again
Wishin it would never end
Anybody asks where we've been
Tell em
Barefoot and crazy
Barefoot and crazy
Me and my baby
I did a back flip off the flipright bridge
Double dog dared me and I did
Met me at the bottom with a cool wet kiss
Shes rockin that bikini top
My hearts skippin like a rock across that water
Don’t ever wanna stop
Goin barefoot and crazy
Don’t ever wanna stop
Don’t ever wanna stop
Goin barefoot and crazy


This song is for our summer together in 2007, the best summer of my life!!
Matt had just graduated and we spent every day together that summer! We went to Nashville Shores, Florida, and everywhere in Mt. Juliet. It was the best summer anyone could have asked for. It just ended too soon. Matt went to college... hints the next song...



"Here without You" by 3 Doors Down
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me


I think this is self explanatory. I'll explain anyway. Matt came to Tech and I was still in Nashville. I was a wreck. I sat in my car for 20 minutes before I walked in to my first day of junior year (my first day without Matt). I couldn't get out and go in. For years I loved the first day of school! Not this year. I didn't want to be there without my best friend. I couldn't stand to go in there and see all the places where we had so many memories. I tried to be strong and not let Matt know I was hurting. I laughed and smiled for a while, but when I couldn't do that anymore I started showing my pain in anger. I would get angry at Matt. I had two reasons to get angry: 1. I refused to be upset. 2. Matt had left me, yes we were still dating but he essentially chose Cookeville over me. He did come home every weekend but it wasn't the same. He had a life there and I wasn't a part of it. I couldn't handle that. He got a new roommate... and a new personality... we broke up Feb. 2008.... hints the next song.





"Yesterday" by The Beatles.
Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday

I wanted to die when we broke up. People were asking about it and talking about it. People were trying to get me to eat, sleep, shower, and do normal things. I didn't want to do any of it. I didn't want to go anywhere or see anything. Two things really bothered me (other than losing my best friend) 1. taking pictures and things off of facebook and out of my room, packing up all of his things/ things he had given me. 2. People thinking (mainly Matt) that I wasn't hurt at all just because I did the breaking up. "yesterday" really stuck to me because of one word- Yesterday. I remembered our "yesterdays" where we were happy.





"I still miss you" by Keith Anderson
I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you
I still miss you baby

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

This song I heard driving down the road one day while we were still broken up. I cried so hard I had to pull over. I was working on getting over the break up and moving on (unsuccessfully). This song said everything I felt in the exact way I felt it. "I never knew till you were gone how many pages you were on, it never ends, keep turning and, line after line, you're there again." That was so true. If I went out to eat I could point out the exact table(s) I had sat at with Matt. Movies we had seen together I could no longer watch. Songs we liked I couldn't listen to. This song made me realize I was not going to get over him. We got back together and rushed into things.... I started senior year... I went to the same school for 14 years and I was entering my last year. I got so depressed I had trouble breathing. I did everything I could to make that year last longer. I got very depressed; Matt and I ended up breaking up one more time- leading us to the next song....




"Everytime" by Lincoln Hawk
Every time you walk away or run away
You take a piece of me with you there

Oh it seems I'm walking right to your door
With my heart still resting, looking for something more
Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?
I'm trying really hard to believe

Nothing feels right when left here on my own
Left last night
It seemed like way too long
Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?
I'm trying really hard to believe

Come back to me
Smile and you'll make my life complete


Matt technically broke up with me; only because he knew I wanted it. I wanted it because I couldn't get him to understand I was depressed about graduating and I didn't feel like myself and it had nothing to do with him. I know breaking up twice was hard on Matt and I'll always feel bad about that. I know the lyrics say "everytime you walk away or run away..." and Matt didn't ever walk away- I did but each time we broke up just took more out of me. I hated breaking up with him- no matter what he says. We are now back together (thank goodness!).... leading us to the next song....





"History in the making" by Darius Rucker
Don’t move Baby Don’t move
Awww look at you
I just want to take this in
The moonlight dancing off your skin
Our time Lets take our time
I just want to look in your eyes
and catch my breath
Cuz I just got a feeling

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, cling to,
one we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

Inside, baby inside
Can you feel the butterflies?
Floating all around
Cuz I can sure feel them now
Tonight, maybe tonight
Is a start of a beautiful ride
that will never end
And baby I’ve got a feeling

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, cling to,
One we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

Right here, right now
Holding you in my arms

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, we want to cling to,
One that we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making


We are back together and making memories that will become history, even if we don't end up together in the long run (not that I'm planning on that... at all). These memories will be history one day. I hope when it becomes history we are still together!! =)





"Still Feels Good" by Rascal Flatts
Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-come on,
Still feels good-oh,oh,oh

That old t-shirt you wear to bed
Hangin' off your shoulder by a thread
The one you ripped off me when
We first met
Still feels good

That old familiar song blarin'
From my car
We know every note, every word
By heart
Puts a smile on your face 'cause
You know it's ours
And it still feels good

[CHORUS]
Your fingers hooked around
My belt loops
Leanin' up against my ride
Remember that first time I touched you
It doesn't matter-I've held you a
Million times
Oh, and it still feels good

We made some crazy plans, had some
Crazy dreams
And now that we've reached
A few you would think
That it would get old to you and me
But it still feels good, still feels good

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh, your fingers hooked around
My belt loops
Leanin' up against my ride
Remember the first time I touched you
It doesn't matter, I've held you-
I've touched you
I've felt you-I've loved you-
And it still feels good

Yeah and it still feels good, baby
Yeah, it still feeld good-yeah, yeah, yeah
Still feels good
Still feels good, baby


Matt and I have been together 4 years (we had a few bumps-- better known as "breaks") but 4 years all together. I still get butterflies when we are driving down the road and he looks at me with that smile that I think could stop a jet in mid air. I still love holding his hand and going on dates with him. He still makes me happy. We still have problems every now and then but we work them out in a semi-mature way =).





"I say a little prayer for you" Originally Aretha Franklin but this one I chose is by the cast of "My Best Friend's Wedding" because it's a really fun version. It's definitely one of the best scenes in that movie!
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.


I chose this song for 3 reasons.
1. Matt would make fun of me for it!
2. It's a fun song (especially if you've ever seen my best friends wedding) and Matt and I have fun together!
3. I do pray for Matt. Most days I pray for him more than once.



I hope you enjoyed this!! I had fun making it!!