Mixtape: a walk through my love life

I never knew there were such great movies
On TV at 3 a.m.
I'd never guessed at a midnight Tuesday
I could have pizza ordered in
I've never been a real night-owl
But these days I'm all turned 'round
There's only one thing I'm sure of right now

I should be sleeping,'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
An even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of dreamin' about you

I never knew I was funny
'Til I went and made you laugh
I never liked a girl that called me: "Honey"
But you did,I like that
I keep thinking about your smile
Tryin' to read between the lines
Looks like I'll be here for a while

I should be sleeping,'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
An even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of dreamin' about you

After just three days (just three days)
One great kiss (One great kiss)
It's way too soon
To be obsessin'like this

I should be sleeping,'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
An even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of dreamin' about you

Dreamin' about you
I should be sleeping,dreamin' about you
I'm dreamin' about you, yeah


This one is called "I should be sleeping" (duh) by Emerson Drive.
It was the song I played over and over The first night I talked to Matt on the phone. We talked till 2 am on a school night (as a Freshman that was late!)
The song just seemed so fitting and I also really liked it at the time. I met Matt at his church in November 2005. He found me on myspace and we started to instant messaging. I left my number on my "away message" and hoped he would call. He didn't. He did, however, leave his number on his away message. I grew a pair and called him. I never call guys first! This time I did; I'm not sure why but I am glad I did!




"Little moments" by Brad Paisley
Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can't even remember now what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red
And she just looked so darn cute
That I couldn't even act like I was mad
Yeah I live for little moments like that

Well that's just like last year on my birthday
She lost all track of time and burnt the cake
And every smoke detector in the house was goin' off
And she was just about to cry until I took her in my arms
And I tried not to let her see me laugh
Yeah I live for little moments like that

I know she's not perfect but she tries so hard for me
And I thank god that she isn't 'cause how boring would that be
It's the little imperfections it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions and we're lost but holdin' hands
Yeah I live for little moments like that

When she's layin' on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark
And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm
And I want so bad to move it 'cause it's tinglin' and it's numb
But she looks so much like and angel that I don't wanna wake her up
Yeah I live for little moments
When she steals my heart again and doesn't even know it
Yeah I live for little moments like that


This was the first song Matt "played" for me. He said it reminded him of me. We still have "little moments" I think he was trying to say I can be stupid sometimes. Oh well! It's cute anway! Anytime we talk about "our songs" he always mentions this one.




"The Way You Look Tonight" by Tony Bennet
Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night

I love having memories that are just a still picture in my head. I went to the beach with Matt's family summer 06 and summer 07. We went for a walk on the beach the first night we got there and I'll never forget looking up at Matt (He's 6'3" and I'm 5'2") and knowing that I would never forget the way he looked at that moment. I would also never forget the way he looked at me. He still gives me those looks at it still stops my heart when I see them.



"Barefoot and Crazy" by Jack Ingram

The clouds are partin
The summer suns startin to burn down on that river
My babys waitin
I got the chevy shaking
Im blazing a trail to get her
There she is
Shes got her shades on
& man shes lookin strong
Mine all mine for the weekend
The coolers loaded down
We’re headed outta town
Jumpin off the deep end
Goin barefoot and crazy
Me and my baby
Backflip off the flipright bridge
Double dog dare me and I will
Meet me at the bottom with a cool wet kiss
Shes rockin that bikini top
My hearts skippin like a rock across that water
Don’t ever wanna stop
Goin barefoot and crazy
The sun is droppin
We got the fire poppin &
Its lightin up her blue eyes
With a little bit of luck
It’ll heat things up &
We’ll be lovin in the moonlight
Break out my old guitar
Sing fishin in the dark
Baby get ready
We’ll take a little sip
We’ll take a little dip &
Sleep in the bed of my Chevy
Goin barefoot and crazy
Me and my baby
Just me & her & the man in the moon
Drinkin on a cold bud brew
Mornins gonna come way too soon
We’ll wake up &
Do it all again
Wishin it would never end
Anybody asks where we've been
Tell em
Barefoot and crazy
Barefoot and crazy
Me and my baby
I did a back flip off the flipright bridge
Double dog dared me and I did
Met me at the bottom with a cool wet kiss
Shes rockin that bikini top
My hearts skippin like a rock across that water
Don’t ever wanna stop
Goin barefoot and crazy
Don’t ever wanna stop
Don’t ever wanna stop
Goin barefoot and crazy


This song is for our summer together in 2007, the best summer of my life!!
Matt had just graduated and we spent every day together that summer! We went to Nashville Shores, Florida, and everywhere in Mt. Juliet. It was the best summer anyone could have asked for. It just ended too soon. Matt went to college... hints the next song...



"Here without You" by 3 Doors Down
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me


I think this is self explanatory. I'll explain anyway. Matt came to Tech and I was still in Nashville. I was a wreck. I sat in my car for 20 minutes before I walked in to my first day of junior year (my first day without Matt). I couldn't get out and go in. For years I loved the first day of school! Not this year. I didn't want to be there without my best friend. I couldn't stand to go in there and see all the places where we had so many memories. I tried to be strong and not let Matt know I was hurting. I laughed and smiled for a while, but when I couldn't do that anymore I started showing my pain in anger. I would get angry at Matt. I had two reasons to get angry: 1. I refused to be upset. 2. Matt had left me, yes we were still dating but he essentially chose Cookeville over me. He did come home every weekend but it wasn't the same. He had a life there and I wasn't a part of it. I couldn't handle that. He got a new roommate... and a new personality... we broke up Feb. 2008.... hints the next song.





"Yesterday" by The Beatles.
Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday

I wanted to die when we broke up. People were asking about it and talking about it. People were trying to get me to eat, sleep, shower, and do normal things. I didn't want to do any of it. I didn't want to go anywhere or see anything. Two things really bothered me (other than losing my best friend) 1. taking pictures and things off of facebook and out of my room, packing up all of his things/ things he had given me. 2. People thinking (mainly Matt) that I wasn't hurt at all just because I did the breaking up. "yesterday" really stuck to me because of one word- Yesterday. I remembered our "yesterdays" where we were happy.





"I still miss you" by Keith Anderson
I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you
I still miss you baby

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

This song I heard driving down the road one day while we were still broken up. I cried so hard I had to pull over. I was working on getting over the break up and moving on (unsuccessfully). This song said everything I felt in the exact way I felt it. "I never knew till you were gone how many pages you were on, it never ends, keep turning and, line after line, you're there again." That was so true. If I went out to eat I could point out the exact table(s) I had sat at with Matt. Movies we had seen together I could no longer watch. Songs we liked I couldn't listen to. This song made me realize I was not going to get over him. We got back together and rushed into things.... I started senior year... I went to the same school for 14 years and I was entering my last year. I got so depressed I had trouble breathing. I did everything I could to make that year last longer. I got very depressed; Matt and I ended up breaking up one more time- leading us to the next song....




"Everytime" by Lincoln Hawk
Every time you walk away or run away
You take a piece of me with you there

Oh it seems I'm walking right to your door
With my heart still resting, looking for something more
Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?
I'm trying really hard to believe

Nothing feels right when left here on my own
Left last night
It seemed like way too long
Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?
I'm trying really hard to believe

Come back to me
Smile and you'll make my life complete


Matt technically broke up with me; only because he knew I wanted it. I wanted it because I couldn't get him to understand I was depressed about graduating and I didn't feel like myself and it had nothing to do with him. I know breaking up twice was hard on Matt and I'll always feel bad about that. I know the lyrics say "everytime you walk away or run away..." and Matt didn't ever walk away- I did but each time we broke up just took more out of me. I hated breaking up with him- no matter what he says. We are now back together (thank goodness!).... leading us to the next song....





"History in the making" by Darius Rucker
Don’t move Baby Don’t move
Awww look at you
I just want to take this in
The moonlight dancing off your skin
Our time Lets take our time
I just want to look in your eyes
and catch my breath
Cuz I just got a feeling

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, cling to,
one we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

Inside, baby inside
Can you feel the butterflies?
Floating all around
Cuz I can sure feel them now
Tonight, maybe tonight
Is a start of a beautiful ride
that will never end
And baby I’ve got a feeling

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, cling to,
One we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

Right here, right now
Holding you in my arms

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, we want to cling to,
One that we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making


We are back together and making memories that will become history, even if we don't end up together in the long run (not that I'm planning on that... at all). These memories will be history one day. I hope when it becomes history we are still together!! =)





"Still Feels Good" by Rascal Flatts
Ooo, Ooo, Ooo-come on,
Still feels good-oh,oh,oh

That old t-shirt you wear to bed
Hangin' off your shoulder by a thread
The one you ripped off me when
We first met
Still feels good

That old familiar song blarin'
From my car
We know every note, every word
By heart
Puts a smile on your face 'cause
You know it's ours
And it still feels good

[CHORUS]
Your fingers hooked around
My belt loops
Leanin' up against my ride
Remember that first time I touched you
It doesn't matter-I've held you a
Million times
Oh, and it still feels good

We made some crazy plans, had some
Crazy dreams
And now that we've reached
A few you would think
That it would get old to you and me
But it still feels good, still feels good

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh, your fingers hooked around
My belt loops
Leanin' up against my ride
Remember the first time I touched you
It doesn't matter, I've held you-
I've touched you
I've felt you-I've loved you-
And it still feels good

Yeah and it still feels good, baby
Yeah, it still feeld good-yeah, yeah, yeah
Still feels good
Still feels good, baby


Matt and I have been together 4 years (we had a few bumps-- better known as "breaks") but 4 years all together. I still get butterflies when we are driving down the road and he looks at me with that smile that I think could stop a jet in mid air. I still love holding his hand and going on dates with him. He still makes me happy. We still have problems every now and then but we work them out in a semi-mature way =).





"I say a little prayer for you" Originally Aretha Franklin but this one I chose is by the cast of "My Best Friend's Wedding" because it's a really fun version. It's definitely one of the best scenes in that movie!
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.


I chose this song for 3 reasons.
1. Matt would make fun of me for it!
2. It's a fun song (especially if you've ever seen my best friends wedding) and Matt and I have fun together!
3. I do pray for Matt. Most days I pray for him more than once.



I hope you enjoyed this!! I had fun making it!!

My Christianity. Not sparing any feelings.

I usually let people know I am a Christian. I don't always disagree with people outloud because I hate arguing with people about their beliefs! I don't want people arguing with me about mine, but here it is! I am a Christian and I believe God sent Jesus to save me (and all baptized believers) from my sins and get me to heaven! I don't like all of this COC, baptist, lutheran, methodist, "non denominational", presbiterian crap! I don't think God only accepts one division of Christians! I think you should chose denomination based on how you worship best! I chose COC because I worship better without music (I am too ADD for that! I get all lost in the beat and the band). I personally think men are supposed to be leaders in the church and in the home (not abusers, a lot of people think that's what I mean when I say that). I don't think men get to tell women what to do, but I think they are LEADERS. I am not saying women can't have original thoughts I have PLENTY of those. I think you don't necessarily have to attend church to get to heaven. In the Bible it says "don't forsake the assembling of yourselves" I think that simply means don't just keep your worship and Bible studies to you alone. I think we need to get together with others and have Bible studies and worship the Lord together. I believe God loves everyone no matter what they have done. I don't believe everyone is going to heaven (although I don't think about people not going there because I want to see everyone there) but I wouldn't dare even think "they aren't going to heaven" because all sin is equal. I have sinned and I sure hope I'm going to heaven. Judging is a sin and if I judge someone that's just as bad as what they have done to make me say "they aren't goign to heaven". I don't like drugs or getting drunk. I don't like drugs for personal reasons, not because I think it's completely biblically wrong. Getting drunk is biblically wrong. I don't think drinking is bad. I'm one of those Christians that says "well Jesus had wine". Jesus did have wine, Jesus did not get drunk. I am against a few other things based on biblical research but that's not what's important. This is not a list of Lindsey's "no no's". I believe everyone has something good in them! I try to love everyone and I usually succeed at that! Sometimes I find that some people I simply cannot find anything I like about them. Not one thing. I don't wish that anything bad would happen to them I just try to stay away from them so I don't pray for a boulder to fall on their head. I wish so bad that the world (and even I) could love everyone else the way Jesus did. I don't think God has some huge list of no's and yes's for you to check off. I think He is fairly simple. He wants us to love and respect each other and ultimately live for Him. Obeying God does not have to be a check list. Love Him first, others second, and yourself third and everything else falls into place. I am a hypocrit. I will be the first to admit it. I don't always go by the JOY rule (Jesus, others, yourself) rule. I try but I fail because like the rest of the world I am selfish to my core. I try so hard not to be but it just takes over! So if you are a pray-er reading this would you pray for me to be more selfless and less selfish? thanks. I think one day I'll reach that! Just try to put up with me until I get there =)


Linds

Karma?

Have you ever done something to someone and it came back and bit you in the butt so bad??? I have I have! Pick me to tell my story! Pick me! ok that was dumb 1. bc of course I'll pick myself and 2. bc no one reads this anyway! Forgive me (me myself and i since no one reads this) it's late/early and everything sounds ok to say right now. Back to my karma- Once I hurt someone I care about reallly realllly bad. I didn't realize at the time just how bad I had hurt this person. I get it now. It happened to me (by the person mentioned above) although they didn't do it to me bc i had done it to them. They did it to me well that's not important. They did lie and I didn't lie to them but anyway. It hurt so freaking bad! I layed in my floor for two days (got up a few times so the parents wouldn't notice. goodness knows let's not get the parents upset). I hurt so bad! I let the pain I inflicted on the other person go on for months. Ok actually just about a month and a half; luckily for me they only let it go on for me for 2 days. 2 days was 2 days too long. I was so lost and broken. I really am going to consider my actions from now on. I am glad those two days happened because without those two days I wouldn't appreciate whatI have. Truthfully (excluding my english professor who will read this once... at least i hope he will... oh well if he doesn't i like this blog now bc i have somewhere to store my feelings i was never good with journals.) the above mentioned person would be the only one who would care enough to read my ramblings in this blog. I won't tell this person how to find this blog, but why not? If that person is the only one who would care? don't I want SOMEONE to read this? Maybe I am afraid? I am not sure. I have nothing to hide from this person. Who knows, I can be stupid for no reason. Back to this person and how I hurt them and I got hurt in return. I have come to truly appreciate them. I care about that person so much! I pray for them every day. I try to do things for that person that would make them smile. I try to put their needs above my own, although I'm a truly selfish being. I can be whiny or annoying plenty but I do try to make it worth that persons while to be around me. I love spending time with this person. I love texting and talking to them! They always know how to make me smile. This person has the same beliefs, interests, music/movie tastes that I do. That makes it sooooo much easier to be with them! I'll just get down to the nitty gritty- I love him (yes it's a him I'm in love with I know you knew it!) and I have for four years.

I'm greatful that he puts up with me at my worst and has fun with me at my best. (corny I know. I'm a hopeless romantic loser what can I say?)


I'm also SO VERY greatful that he's never given up on me. =)


that's the truth!


Linds

unit 4 readings

2 of the "evaluations"/reviews I really liked. 1 I didn't (obviously if there were 3 to read and I liked two I didn't like one.). Anywho, I loved the Dawsons Creek review for 2 reasons: 1. It was well written and kept me focused. It was to the point and it didn't "dilly dally" around. 2. I completely agreed with the review! It's always nice to agree with a review. The one about the restaurant I was misreable reading. It was so long and drawn out I started thinking about other things while I was reading it. It gave too many details that I felt weren't needed at all. The one about Harry Potter again I like it a lot for the same reasons I liked the Dawson's Creek review. I completely agreed with the persons feelings and it was short, informative, and to the point!
I really like reading reviews! I hate the reviews that some people leave for electronics or hotels! ex. "it's like soooooooooo freaking totally awesome!! It's so kool!". That tells me nothing. I like informative reviews that don't sound like they are written by middle school kids. I really like writing reviews now. Ever since we had to review something for our paper I have found myself reviewing other things in my head as I would write them on paper.

Final Exams

My final exams are not going to be all that bad. I hope. I have the final portfolio for English due next Tuesday, I have a water aerobics paper and 10 question test to do (no big deal), I have a chemistry exam (THE WORST) and a psychology exam (not looking forward to.). My chemistry final and pyschology final are on the same day and that's going to suck; but at least i'll be done quick. I am nervous about the final porfolio for English. I think I know what all I have to do for it; but I still get nervous that I'm going to forget. I am going to do that mixtape I think. I think that will be really really fun. I hope I can come up with a good theme for my mixtape!! I hate having finals near Christmas (though I know it has to happen). I like doing fun Christmas things in December and not having to worry about exams! I know you can do all the fun stuff after but by the time finals are over it's like you really have no time. That's all for now!

Linds

drugs+ nascar+ wisdom teeth= Thanksgiving 09

My dad's side of the family usually has Thanksgiving the Sunday BEFORE Thanksgiving on Thursday. I went this year and it was really good because my cousin and I are the first to go to college and we are both freshmen so we had a lot of stories. A nascar race is sure to be on the tv as we all sit around the living room and eat our dinner. This was our first Thanksgiving without my grandmother; she was definitely missed. The family is my dad, two uncles, three aunts, 5 cousins (including me). The cousin that is my age decided to talk about smoking some "mary jane" (only in my family would this be acceptable.) and back it up using the Bible. Genesis 1:12 is the verse he used. Although I don't agree with him doing drugs and I don't believe that's what God meant by Genesis 1:12, it was pretty entertaining. I don't think he is going to hell for doing drugs I just don't like drugs because I think they can mess up lives. Usually the "not-so-bad-drugs" lead to worse things. Back to the subject- It was a good thanksgiving with a good family who loves me to death! They are a precious group of people and I couldn't be more blessed to have them! My mom's side of the family hasn't done Thanksgiving since I have been alive. My stepdad's side has theirs on Thursday night. I had my wisdom teeth out wednesday before Thanksgiving Thursday. I was heavily medicated and pretty loopy. I couldn't eat anything; that didn't keep my from trying to smash up my grandmothers potato salad (the BEST EVER) and take three little bites. By the time I got those three bites down I realized everyone else was finished with their whole plate full of scrumptious food. I was so aggravated I just gave up on eating! The company was great that night! I love that family just like they were my blood family! They treat me like I was born into that family! (I was 6 when I entered that family) They are so funny and great! I am truly blessed to have spent Thanksgiving with two families that love me so much!!!

Dracula

I went to see the play Dracula Saturday at the BDPH. I wasn't impressed really.

I liked Renfield and Van Helsing a lot; but Lucy, The Count, and Abigail just ruined it for me.

Of course I liked Sarah as the "consort" =) very good job!

But anyway the three previously mentioned just did not do it for me. I felt like they weren't "in character" enough. Renfield was awesome!!!! Very good!

I personally like the book and even movie better than I did the play. I know the play is an adaptatation of the book so I didn't judge my feelings of the play on how I felt about the book.

I think the stage hands were way too loud when they were changing props, also, I think the BDPH needs some curtains so I don't see the stagehands. I know they were wearing black and the lights were turned off but you could still see them. It really got my focus out of the play. I was then focusing on other things and some of the actors did a horrible job of bringing my attention back.

It wasn't terrible but it wasn't my favorite either.

I will be attending the next play there- "Every Christmas Story Ever Told". Hopefully the stagehands for that show will be better and the actors can stay in character.

Linds